Listen now to this sermon on the growing problem of loneliness in our society and how churches can address it.
New Testament Reading–Romans 1: 7-12
The poet W. H. Auden once asserted, “We must love one another or die.” In recent decades, scientists have discovered that this statement is not simply the exaggerated declaration of a poet. It is an observation that has been tested and validated in peer-reviewed journals. The literal cause of death in this instance is loneliness. Health problems that are either caused or exacerbated by loneliness include heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, and Alzheimer’s. To put this into perspective, consider this: While air pollution increases your odds of dying early by 5% and while obesity increases your odds by 20%, chronic loneliness increases your chance of an early death by 45%. The risk to one’s life expectancy is statistically comparable to that of smoking. Another study finds that the elderly who lack social interaction are twice as likely to die early. We must love one another or die.
Researchers began understanding the lethality of loneliness in greater detail during the initial onslaught of the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. Among the gay men who were dying it was discovered that a particular kind of loneliness hastened one’s death. Researchers found that whether one was poor or lacked family and friends actually had no effect on how fast one would die. The most reliable predictor of whether a gay man who was HIV-positive would die faster “was whether or not he was in the closet.” The closet created a suffocating social existence. One’s true self was closed off from others. One’s true self was unable to connect with others. Those who lived closeted lives “died an average of two to three years earlier than” men who were out of the closet. We must love one another or die.
Steven Cole was the researcher who investigated and analyzed these findings. He struggled with how to understand why humans were built so that the stress of loneliness kept our systems from effectively defending ourselves against diseases. For Cole, it even provoked a dire theological question: Did God want it to be this way? The answer that Cole arrived at was “no.” We are not made to be lonely and stressed. We are made to be with others and blessed. We are not made to be alone. We are made to be connected. We must love one another or die.
In the United States, loneliness has been on the rise. In the 1980s, 20% of adults considered themselves lonely, but more recent figures double the number to 40% of adults. Some predict that the numbers will only get higher as 10,000 baby-boomers hit retirement every day. But loneliness doesn’t just affect those over 65. A little more than one in three adults who are 45 or above suffer from chronic loneliness. People who are below 45 also experience loneliness. Through the digital universe, young adults become more connected to people in the broader world than previous generations could imagine, but the connections formed can be weak and a poor substitute for authentic engagement with others in person. One study indicates that the more time one spends on facebook each day the less happy one will actually be. At the same time, the internet has been successfully used by lots of people to find the most intimate and durable of connections. Studies report that couples who met online and stuck together were not as likely to divorce as couples who did not meet online. People are figuring out ways to make our new technological world work for them. We must love one another or die.
So why am I painting this dire picture of loneliness this morning? I think churches in general can be well-suited for addressing loneliness, and I think our church in particular is uniquely suited. In fact, I believe we have a tremendous potential in this area of ministry. Let me explain my thinking…This past year an article in the New York Times talked about the rise in suicides in our country and how it relates to loneliness. A sociologist at the University of Virginia named Brad Wilcox noted “people—and especially men—become more likely to kill themselves ‘when they get disconnected from society’s core institutions” such as marriage and religion. Churches keep us connected, and it can be a matter of life or death. We must love one another or die.
Yet, it is not simply a matter of being connected. It is also a matter of having healthy connections. Those who study loneliness say that it is not the quantity of relationships that matters. It is the quality of those relationships. I believe churches at their best can help us cultivate healthy, quality relationships, because I believe we ideally come here not just to make friends and socialize. We ideally come here to do precisely what Paul talks about in our scripture for today. We come here to “be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.” Paul believes that we each have spiritual gifts to strengthen one another. In our congregation today, what might be some of those gifts? Maybe some of us have a gift for listening. Maybe some of us have a gift for facilitating groups. Maybe some of us have a gift for creative and artistic endeavors. Maybe some of us have a gift of passion. We are passionate about helping those in grief, or we are passionate about caring for the homeless or caring for the environment. We have passions that help others get energized and excited. In other words, when we get in touch with our calling in life, the whole community benefits.
While all churches can utilize the spiritual gifts of their members for mutual encouragement, I am convinced that our church is particularly well-suited for a ministry that addresses loneliness for two reasons. The first is that at our all-church retreat it was evident that our members recognize how the sense of community that we offer is one of our foremost strengths as a church. People come here and they get nourished by their interactions with others. Some of our long-time members like Irma Slocum and Ed Frank have really set the tone for creating a sense of community here through their magnanimous spirit.
The second reason that we are well-suited for a ministry that addresses loneliness is the open and affirming stance of our community. Perhaps, a fitting symbol of this is our communion table. Our communion table is an open table. All are welcome to join us at this table regardless of who they are, regardless of whether they are members of this church or not. We are a community that knocks down a lot of the barriers that keep people from being nourished at this table.
I wish we could put up signs around town that say, “Spiritually lonely? Try our church,” because I think there is a tremendous need out there for what we have to offer. There is a tremendous need out there because loneliness strikes at one of the most fundamental aspects of who we are as human beings. We are hardwired for love. We need love to survive. We must love one another or die. That is a core truth of who we are as humans, and I believe we are a church that can act on that truth in way that few others can. May we continue to be who we are, and may we continue to strive for our full potential. Amen.