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New Testament Reading—Luke 1: 46-55
The story that follows is based on research of actual life stories, but is also the product of a “fertile” imagination, as you will see.
Until the age of 36, Renee felt that her life was full of blessings. In recent years, the dreams of her youth had been becoming a reality. She could remember how at the age of 16 she wrote in her journal that she had three dreams in life: to find true love, to have beautiful children, and to become a veterinarian.
At the age of 33, she had achieved one of these dreams by becoming a partner at the Rutherford Animal Clinic. A year later she would meet Rick at a party thrown by a member of her church. Rick was sweet, charming, and considerate. He was small in stature, but handsome in looks. He was successful as an architect, but was by no means pretentious about it. In sixteen months, Renee and Rick were married, and not long after that, they began working on Renee’s last remaining dream of having beautiful children.
Nearly a year into their marriage the early warning signs began to appear, although Renee did not know it at the time. One sign was that Rick’s considerate attention slowly morphed into a disguise for more controlling behavior. Rick closely monitored and regulated how Renee spent her time and her money because he was “looking out for her best interests.” He was “concerned” that they should maintain “a sensible lifestyle” by not spending too much money or “stretching themselves too thin” in their social commitments. In theory, the sentiments were not so objectionable, but in practice, it meant that Renee could spend very little money even on basic necessities like groceries. It also meant that Renee was spending less time with friends and at church. In other words, Renee was becoming more isolated, another warning sign.
A plethora of other signs soon appeared. Rick had unrealistic expectations. He expected Renee to be perfect, to do everything as he believed it should obviously be done. When she didn’t do things as he saw fit, another warning sign appeared. He would become excessively angry over small things like whether his pants were placed in the right drawer or whether Renee remembered to pick up his cereal on the way home from work. This in turn related to a further warning sign as Renee became the source of blame for everything and Rick became the one forced to suffer. According to Rick, he was the one in the marriage who was loving and caring, while Renee was thoughtless and only cared about herself. When Rick became angry and yelled at her, it was Renee who was at fault. She “had made him mad.”
While all of this had been unpleasant to say the least, Renee wrote in her journal at the time that it was manageable and part of the normal course for a newly married couple as they learned to live together. Rick’s controlling behavior and his anger, however, continued to increase until one night Renee came home late from work when Rick was fuming about a bill that had accidentally gone unpaid. An argument erupted between the two of them over who was to have paid it. Renee was tired of being blamed for everything and the argument escalated until they were yelling at each other and Rick shoved Renee down onto the sofa so hard that her head crashed against the adjacent bookcase.
Rick was profusely apologetic, even though he subtly blamed her for getting him so upset. At the time, Renee was uncertain how to interpret what had happened. She had trouble thinking of herself as being in an abusive relationship with the man who had fulfilled her dreams. In her journal, she agonized over whether it was her fault for arguing and yelling, whether Rick didn’t mean to really hurt her, whether it was just an accident. Renee had a range of thoughts and emotions, but for the first time, a nagging question and sense of doubt about her marriage to Rick entered her mind.
For the next several weeks, Rick treated her better than he had treated her for a long time, but slowly the warning signs began to reemerge until one night they found themselves in another argument over how much money each of them was to save every month for their next vacation. Even though Rick had the higher paying job, he expected Renee to contribute just as much. When she found herself unable to meet other necessary expenses, Rick blamed her for not doing her part in their relationship. The argument ended with Rick pinning Renee to their bed with his hands wrapped around her neck.
As soon as she could free herself, Renee called the police from the bathroom before leaving never to return. She had promised herself as a young woman that she would never stay in an abusive relationship. Moreover, her faith and trust in Rick had been irrevocably broken. What followed was a year of instability. First, there were the criminal proceedings and then the divorce proceedings that Rick used to vent his anger and to cast further blame onto Renee. Renee meanwhile had trouble concentrating at work and thinking about anything other than how her blessed life had suddenly become so cursed. Friends and church members rallied to her support. With their help, she was able to function and survive, but it was not until after the divorce was finalized that she really felt like she could start to put her life back together.
The crucial question was how to put it back together. In her journal, she wondered to herself about whether there would ever be a way for her to feel blessed once again rather than cursed? Except for her veterinary practice, the dreams of her youth seemed distant and unattainable now. She was not ready to even think about dating again, and that seemed to cancel out her dream of one day having beautiful children. That is until she saw her angel. She was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store after work one day when she saw him. There he was on the cover of the National Inquirer: John Travolta. While Travolta still had good looks at the age of 56, what made him an angel on that day was the hope that he and his wife Kelly Preston gave to Renee. Travolta and the 47 year-old Preston were expecting. More specifically, as the headline announced, they were expecting a test tube baby—or, to put it in less sensational language, they were expecting a baby boy conceived through “in vitro fertilization,” IVF, for short.
At first, Renee could scarcely imagine herself having kids in such a way, especially all by herself. Nevertheless, upon arriving home, she went straight to her computer to google more information about IVF. Perhaps, because Renee was a veterinarian, the idea of using a medical procedure to become pregnant did not seem all that foreign or as her father later said, “a bit of an odd route to go.” In talking with some of her old friends from college in the coming weeks, Renee realized that such procedures were more common than she thought. A number of her married friends had privately sought medical help in getting pregnant. Even though she was single, Renee could not keep from toying with the idea herself. More and more, the idea became irresistible. She found herself day dreaming about having a child. It filled her thoughts at work, at home, at the store, at her yoga class, and just about everywhere. Nothing seemed to excite her more than the idea of bringing a life into this world that she could surround with as much love and care as she could provide. For her, the idea of giving birth to a child became the source of her spiritual recovery and renewal. Life began to have vibrancy and meaning once again.
Renee researched fertilization clinics and found one with a high success rate. She set up an appointment and soon began the search for, if not the man of her dreams, the donor of her dreams. The amount of information for each candidate was detailed and extensive with not simply their physical traits, but their personality traits, their family’s medical history, their likes and dislikes, their talents and skills, their educational level and profession, their baby picture, and, out of respect for anonymity, a picture of the celebrity who bears the closest resemblance. The clinic also had audio recordings of the candidates explaining why they had decided to become donors. In the end, the donor of Renee’s dreams was a doctoral student in biology who sincerely wanted to do what he could to help someone seeking to have a healthy child. He also happened to look like the actor Chris O’Donnell.
Unfortunately for Renee, becoming pregnant even with the help of a fertility clinic was not without its challenges. She went through a year of unsuccessful attempts that tested her faith. In early December, Renee’s phone rang and glanced at the number on her caller ID. It was the clinic office with the results of the blood test that would tell her whether the most recent attempt was successful. The happy voice of the office receptionist said, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” Renee screamed and cried with joy, and asked the receptionist to repeat the news two more times to make sure she had heard her correctly. Two and a half weeks later on December 24th, Renee had her first ultrasound. On the screen, she saw what looked like a small pearl with a beating heart.
That night as Renee attended the Christmas Eve service at her church, she found herself filled with gratitude. With the short pencil stub she found next to the offering envelopes in front of her, she began to write in the margins of her bulletin. Words of thanksgiving poured out of her. She thanked God for her new and cherished blessing. She thanked God for this gift that had lifted her spirits from what seemed like the lowest depths. She thanked God for what was truly a miracle. When the margins of her bulletin could scarcely contain any more, she managed to squeeze in a few more words near the very top of the bulletin’s cover. Realizing that what she had written deserved a title, she wrote, “To God, a Love Song of Grateful Joy.” Amen.