The article that follows is an extended version of a letter sent to the church in the last newsletter. This version was written as an op-ed for local newspapers:
The past week my fiancé and I drafted an outline for the content of our wedding ceremony. There are a couple of unique features to it. One of my all-time favorite songs is “The Wedding” by the South African jazz pianist Abdullah Ibrahim, so I slipped that into the prelude. In addition, my fiancé and I often like to communicate with each other via love notes, so at three places in the ceremony, poems and prayers that we have included in past notes will be read.
Despite such features, our wedding ceremony in other ways will not be so unique. The main theme running through the ceremony will be a celebration of the gift of love God has given to us. In the ceremony, the hymn “Simple Gifts” perhaps captures this theme the best: ‘Tis a gift to be loved and that love to return.
As excited as we are about our upcoming wedding, we cannot but help to also lament that our society only approves of certain people celebrating the gift of love as we will be doing. As a pastor, I must further lament that often Christians and others pastors in particular are frequently the visible opponents on the frontlines against marriage equality. So often we Christians make a hypocrisy out of love.
Such hypocrisy has a history, and fortunately we know it can be overcome. In 1950, my fiancé and I would not have been able to legally marry in Oregon and more than two dozen other states. My fiancé and I are an interracial couple, and interracial marriage was legally prohibited in many states at that time. Gradually, such egregious laws were overturned in various states. Oregon made the move in 1951, but sixteen other states would persist in their bans until 1967. In that year in Loving v. Virginia, the Supreme Court ruled that all such bans were unconstitutional.
The case had been prompted by the arrest of Richard Loving, a white man, and his wife, Mildred Jeter, a black woman. In a Virginia courtroom, Judge Leon Bazile gave them the option of either a year in jail or a one-way ticket out of the state with no possibility of returning for the next twenty-five years. In making his decision, Judge Bazile wrote, “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents…. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.”
Fortunately, the majority of Christians have evolved in their thinking. Today, we are beginning to see a similar shift in the realm of LGBT rights. In 2005, my own denomination, the United Church of Christ, adopted a resolution in support of marriage equality. In other denominations, the matter is being raised and discussed. I believe it is only a matter of time until the words of those against marriage equality today begin to ring with offensive hollowness in the ears of many, much as Judge Bazile’s words do today.
Even though my own denomination has taken a positive step forward, I have urged my own church not to make self-satisfaction an excuse for inaction. In recognition of the need for ongoing commitment to marriage equality in the public sphere, my fiancé and I will be donating $200 to Community of Welcoming Congregations, an interfaith organization that promotes LGBT inclusion and equality. We have additionally invited others to do likewise in lieu of a more traditional wedding present.
In our wedding ceremony, there is one other unique feature. After we seal our marriage with a closing kiss, the entire church will sing a rousing rendition of a traditional African American “Amen” chorus: a-men, a-men, a-men, a-men, a-men! Amen, of course, is derived from a Hebrew word that can be translated “So be it.” To our marriage, amen. To the marriages of all God’s children, amen, amen!
