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New Testament Scripture: Luke 4: 1-13
About a week ago, I awoke from a bad dream. My dream was essentially a memory, a memory of me getting picked on as a kid. A playground bully was forcing me to do his bidding. It was the smallest of incidents, but I was amazed at how miserable I felt in my dream. It was as if I had relived the incident with all its fresh wounds. Be that as it may, normally I forget my dreams, but for some reason this one stayed with me. I get obsessed sometimes with making meaning out of life, and I kept trying to figure out why it is that kids have to have these seemingly unredeemable experiences that apparently leave a very lasting impression.
I don’t want you to think that I had a rough childhood. I didn’t. Nevertheless, earlier this past week I felt the need to give myself some theological therapy in order to come to terms with this incident. Thus, I found myself writing the following story:
Steve was Carla’s only kid, and Carla was Steve’s only remaining parent. They held on tight to each other like two persons clinging to one another on a raft tossed about in a vast sea. After living with family members and for a brief while living in a shelter, they had finally found a place of their own, and Carla finally had a job. It wasn’t long before all of the kids at school knew that Steve’s mother worked at the Hostess plant. In his lunch, Steve always had either a Twinkie or a Ding Dong. In a sane universe, Steve would have been envied for his pipeline to an endless supply of cream-filled delights. Drexler Middle School, unfortunately, was not a sane world. Steve quickly acquired the nickname “Ding Dong,” and on one particularly hot day in May toward the end of his eight-grade year, Derby Slotkin, made his move. Derby was the resident bully of Drexler. He ruled the school and terrorized everyone, including the teachers-some said even the principle feared him.
With breath that reeked of salami and mustard, Derby pinned Steve against the door of his locker after the bell rang ending the lunch hour. “Come on Stevie,” Derby growled, “You could be the most popular kid in school if you just gave everyone some of those Twinkies your mom has. Bring them. Tomorrow. Or else you might find yourself all wet…huh, huh, huh.”
Steve was tortured with what to do. He could steal a box of Twinkies from his mom’s pantry at home, but then he would feel guilty for stealing, especially since they had spent so much of their lives hardly having any food to eat. What would his mom think if she found out? He also knew that people would never really like him just because he gave them Twinkies. True friendship and admiration required more than that. He would feel even more miserable if he gave everyone a Twinkie and they still called him Ding Dong afterward. Tomorrow, he would just have to let Derby stick his head in the toilet. “Ughh,” thought Steve, “why God? Why? I thought life would get better now that we have a home and mom has a job.” Before he went to bed that night, Steve gave his mom a hug. He needed all the love he could get.
The next day, to Steve’s surprise, Derby did not stick his head in the toilet. Steve did get another dose of his bad breath. Pushed into the corner of the bathroom on the second floor, Derby said, “Stevie, I’m giving you a break today. I’ve got a deal for you. If you carry my book bag everyday and do whatever I say, I’ll let you be my sidekick and you’ll rule this entire school with me. Just imagine, you’ll go from being a Ding Dong to having everyone’s respect, even the principle’s. Go home and think about it. If you don’t wise up, you might just find yourself hanging on for dear life…huh, huh, huh.”
Steve spent another agonizing night at home. In his room, he laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. Steve had never been respected by anyone at school. That was something he wanted more than almost anything else. He had tried everything to win the respect of others. He had tried to dress cool despite always wearing used clothes. He had tried to act cool despite being hopelessly shy and awkward. He even played basketball for hours everyday after school hoping that he would one day be a hoop star and have the admiration of everyone. But the respect Derby was offering wasn’t the kind where people admire you. It was the kind where people fear you. Plus, Steve knew he would hate himself if he was always carrying Derby’s bag and tying his shoelaces. That would be more humiliation than he could bear. Tomorrow, he would just have to let Derby put his life in jeopardy. Steve prayed to God asking why this had to happen to him. Was God testing him? Had he not been praying enough? Had he been bad? Before Steve went to bed, he went into the living room and hugged his mother like it was the last time he would ever hug her. Not understanding the meaning of the hug, as his mother pulled back, she said, “Hey, I got some good news for you. I have earned enough money this month to get you that new pair of basketball shoes you want. I see that you got some holes in the ones you’re wearing. I’ll pick you up tomorrow after school, and we’ll get some.”
The next day after the final school bell rang Derby dragged Steve by the collar to the roof at the top of the school. Steve not only feared for his life, but he was worried about his mom. She was alone waiting for him in the car. She wouldn’t know where he was. He didn’t want her to find his dead body splashed across the concrete. Steve tried to run when they got to the top, but Derby grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him to the edge of the roof. Derby looked down below. “Oh, look,” he said, “It’s Mrs. Ding Dong, looking for Baby Ding Dong.” Steve’s heart sank. Part of him wanted to yell, but part of him felt too ashamed and too afraid to yell. To have his mom rescue him from Derby, would only make him feel more embarrassed about how weak and pathetic he was.
Just then, Derby exclaimed, “Hey, why don’t you call your mom over here so you can jump into her arms? I bet Mrs. Ding Dong would do anything for her poor little baby.” Steve didn’t know where he found the courage to talk, but before he knew what he was saying he blurted out, “No, I am not going to yell for you. If you’re going to throw me over the edge, go ahead and do it.” Steve had called Derby’s bluff. Derby dropped Steve’s legs and laughed. As Derby walked to the stairs, he said, “Wait until next time Stevie. I’m not through with you yet.”
It was true. Derby wasn’t through with him. Derby would continue to haunt and pester Steve later in high school. While Derby never changed, Steve did. To know how he changed, one has to go back to that roof on top of the school. After Derby left, Steve lay there looking at the sky. Why hadn’t God helped him? Why hadn’t God reached down from above to save him? For that matter, why didn’t God reach down and pull Jesus off that cross? What was wrong with God? Steve didn’t know why life had to be the way it was. He didn’t know why there was pain and suffering in the world. If God was really a God of love, surely God didn’t want these things to happen. Maybe, he would never know the answers to these questions. What Steve did know is this: All of the sudden, he loved and appreciated Jesus more than ever before. Jesus had experienced what it was like to feel all alone in the face of the worst life had to offer. Moreover, Jesus had decided to live his life side by side with those who were poor and picked on. “Jesus could have ruled from the top of the world,” thought Steve, “but he chose to live his life down here with the rest of us.”
In that instant, Steve’s heart suddenly became filled with an overpowering love for others. He loved the homeless. He loved the picked on. He loved everyone who had ever had to face a Derby. As his chest tightened and his eyes brimmed, he saw a bird pass above him gliding through the air. In that moment, Steve knew he would have the courage to keep on living, and if God was love, then maybe God wasn’t so bad after all. Amen.